Friday, May 10, 2013

1984 Snail Whites

The world just keeps getting more disgusting. Sometimes the news is hard to swallow.
Like this recent item I read in a magazine: House-eating snails. That's right, Florida is suffering an infestation of Giant African Land Snails. They're huge. Kind of the Escalade of Escargot. They can actually grow as big as a rat. Organized hunts have been mounted in Miami-Dade County and at least 1000 are being caught each week. 117,000 since 2011.
I'm guessing a snail hunt doesn't take a lot of high speed equipment. "Bring out the Land Rover honey; we're going on a snail safari!"
Still, the icky factor must scare some folks off. A snail the size of a rat is nightmare material. It gets worse. Seems the snails really need calcium for their shells. And a great source for that chemical is none other than stucco. Yep, the housing material preferred by Floridians throughout the state.
"Mommy! A snail ate through my bedroom wall!!"
Hide the limestone under the sinkholes...
Like the Blob, but with a shell. Plus, they don't move out of the way of lawnmowers like self-respecting real rats. So they get hurled by lawnmower blades, slick slime and excrement coating walls and sidewalks. Remind me not to go on the Giant African Snail ride at Disneyworld.
The other slimy disgusting thing is the new Egg White McMuffin at McDonalds. It's healthy, so good on McD's. But I've cooked egg whites. Before you cook them, they aren't white at all. In fact, they're not unlike snail mucus. Or just plain snot.
Hard to pour in a frying pan and stir. An egg sure. But like comedy in a way. Without a yolk it's a gag.
Personally, I like my egg whites with escargot.
I'm really into Flemish cuisine.
America, ya gotta love it.

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