Thursday, July 25, 2013

2036 Bone of Contention

I have a bone to pick. And I have said bone to pick with Kentucky Fried Chicken. AKA KFC.
It's about their new advertising campaign, in which they seek to promote the fact that they now serve boneless chicken. It's called, "I ate the bones."
Putting aside for the moment that it's new level of cruelty to raise boneless chickens, who'd have even worse mobility ability than the factory farm ones we hear about, I'm not sure it's a good idea to even suggest someone may have eaten the bones in a bucket of chicken.
Because some brainless idiot will try. Remember that legal disclaimer? Don't try this at home?
Plus, if I or any of my friends had eaten the bone, they'd be seeking aid from their physician. Or at least hacking a lot from the discomfort.
Chicken bones are notoriously dangerous. I remember our veterinarian insisting we not feed chicken bones to our dog. They splinter too easily, piercing internal digestive organs. "Leave the chicken bones to cats," my vet said.
(He wasn't a cat lover.)
In any event, the whole "I ate the bones" thing sounds a little weird. As if the eater was so oblivious to the process of chicken eating that he or she gobbled right through the bone in question. Like munching the corn right past the cob.
So don't encourage bone eating KFC, even if it's legal in Kentucky. The first time one of your not-so-bright customers hurts his throat on a bone you'll be in a class action suit up to your gizzard.
Which makes the recent ad I saw even scarier. They were offering a 10-piece mixed bucket for $14.99.  By "mixed" they meant 6 boned and 4 boneless.
Or as the lawyers will call it, choking roulette.
America, ya gotta love it.

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