Thursday, January 23, 2014

2148 Fludge

Flu season is in full swing and folks around me are dropping like flies left and right. I wonder if the Center for Disease Control has figured all the factors in these annual outbreaks.

Tradition has it that the reason the flu sets in so strong in late January is that we all spend more time indoors with other infected people. The Christmas holidays in particular are lovely virus swapping opportunities. Better yet, opportunities to swap viruses with your close genetic kin. So the viruses, once adapted, don't to have to do too much work to jump from host to host. 

When we do go to other gatherings we take a full packet of phlegm particles with us, ready to spray on our innocent party host's household surfaces, and from there to other guests sharing the same toilet flush lever, faucet handle, and guest towel in the bathroom. 

Deck the halls with balls of flu phlegm.

Then it's time to get on a plane and visit distant relatives, you and a large group of others sharing the same small breathing space to transport your now combined stowaway viruses across country.

That's the traditional view. I have another suggestion. The reason the flu season peaks in January is the same reason health clubs capacity peaks in January. We are full of sugar and fat.

Think about it. If you were a virus, which body would you prefer to invade, a stringy old vegetarian or a fat sweet bacon-crusted donut of a human being? 

The donut person of course, bloodstream brimming with vital viral victuals. Sugar and fat ---who could ask for anything more? Free-floating in the bloodstream sugar too. And countless cells saturated with the results of Christmas goodie gobbling. 

Want to attract the flu? Have another chunk of fudge...

America, ya gotta love it. 

No comments: