Tuesday, January 21, 2014

2146 Doubledecker Donkey

The news story about Walmart having to deal with tainted donkey meat in China has some interesting ramifications. Namely, that international companies dealing in China have to adopt some of China's cultural tastes.

So it was that Walmart, finding itself in a "when in Rome do as the Romans do" situation, felt it necessary to stock its shelves with "Five Spice Donkey Meat" to please the local palate. Walmart is, after all, about satisfying the masses with the cheapest mass products available, so it certainly fits in with their corporate tastes if not the particular tastes of the corporate officers themselves.

But it does makes one ponder what the other multi-nationals seeking to get a foot in the cultural mouth of China have up their sleeves. Can we expect donkey offerings from Burger King China soon? A doubledecker donkey burger perhaps. The Donkey King Kong?

How about a Jack-in-the-Donkey treat? Just the thing for a late night menu item catering to the stoner Chinese shiftworker. Jalapeno cheese donkey bacon Jack. With halfsies, a soft drink, and a couple of donkey tacos.

Speaking of tacos, Taco Bell would certainly ring in an entry in the donkey entree food fight. Donkey Nachos possibly, or Donkey Chalupas. Burros are just tiny donkeys, so a Burro Burrito would be a natural.

Then there's KFC, run by Yum Foods in China. An original or crispy recipe 10-piece boneless donkey bucket would be sure to please. Or Kentucky Fried Hee-Haw Tenders. Hoof-licking good.

I'm sure McDonalds will have it figured out before any of them. McDonkey products will range from their dollar menu to their deluxe quarter-pounders to Donkey McNuggets. Maybe they'll even have a donkey happy meal. With commercials voiced by a high-priced spokesperson like Shrek's Eddie Murphy...

Would you like fries with that?

America, ya gotta love it.

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