The world has a new Pope. The news rang out on March 13th 2013. 3-13-13. Can't have too many thirteens in a lucky message. The Pope picked is socially conservative, so perhaps he'll reinvent Catholicism back to the 13th Century as well.
Everyone was just glad they picked a Pope at all. At first, the conclave was not conclusive in what they wanted. In fact, it was a little contentious, and the first and second round drafts were Pope free.
You'd think it would be easy to pick a pack of pious priests who picked a proper pope. But what kind of pope would a pack of pious proper priests pick?
They had one reluctant potential pope on the ropes but he did the pope-a-dope and got out of trouble. Then they couldn't get another because their Pope-0-1-k plan wasn't good enough. Now that they have to worry about old popes retiring, and not just being called straight to heaven, benefits packages are part of the negotiations.
And they had to please the press too. As my friend Ron Harris put it, everyone wanted to make sure the pope-arazzi wouldn't make negative pictures pope up in the tabloids.
The American news was completely American, as my friend Kris pointed out. The new Pope says his name is Francisco. The American media anglicized it to Francis. Why this renaming business? We can say Francisco, we actually have a San Francisco. Although we do call it Frisco. Pope Frisco sounds a little like a porn star.
Personally, I was disappointed in the pick. My fantasy pope draft winner was Benito from Barcelona. But Argentina won because Spain traded their number 2 pick for 3 Cardinals and a Monsignor to be named later.
Or renamed later.
America, ya gotta love it.