Friday, March 08, 2013

1939 Horse a Course

America has it's food problems. E coli, Salmonella, the occasional shard of glass in a baked good. But for the most part we know what animal we're eating. Even to the number of rat hairs allowed in hot dogs.
At least we're better than Europe.
Seems the Eurozone has been having problems of late with foods that are supposed to contain beef containing another quadruped all together.
What? You ask. Horse, of course. For a main course. We're having a course of horse. And no one should have a course of horse unless of course the course of horse is a famous one, we said.
A slice of Secretariat perhaps, or a slab of Slough. But no, it's not a delightfully epicurean famous horse we get. It's a famished one. A plow horse from Romania. So sad. To not only be slaughtered ignobly in a Romanian abattoir, but then to go unacknowledged and disguised as a dumb ass cow.
It's like some insidious PETA plot meant to gross out carnivores. Hitting all kinds of major meat purveyors. Burger King. Findus lasagna. Birdseye chili. And now the final indignity. Ikea Swedish Meatballs.
What? Ikea makes meatballs?
Yep, they don't just furnish your furniture. The cafes in their stores serve famous Kottbullar Meatballs, which you can also buy online and frozen to go. And now it sounds even more appetizing. Horsemeatballs.
Hmm. The first two syllables in the name Kottbullar also sound suspiciously like cut bull. Is it a Swedish word for steer? Or gelding?
I'd be wary of buying a meatball product from Ikea in any event. Afraid I'd open up the package and find cracker crumbs, powdered eggs, indeterminate meat, a spice packet and instructions.
Ikea meatballs. Some assembly required.
Of course.
America, ya gotta love it.

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