Monday, October 20, 2014

2332 Panting Question

The biggest problem with getting older, other than hating change because you've already endured so much of it, is finding yourself asking, "When did that become normal?"

Take pants. The other day I was standing outside waiting for someone and I couldn't help but notice a couple of folks across the street. They were standing and talking and basically just carrying on their normal existence.

That existence was punctuated by two repetitive gestures. One was the obligatory looking down and checking their smartphones. Said gesture was accompanied by various sub-gestures that included thumbing and swiping. 

The other repetitive gesture was pulling up their pants. Seriously, in the course of my watching , which was on and off for about 4 minutes, each of the individuals must have adjusted his and/or her pants about 15 times. Hitching, hiking, tugging, it was like a baseball pitcher winding into his pre-windup. 

But here's the odd thing. They were adjusting for different reasons. The male of the twosome was adjusting because his pants were so baggy they kept falling down. And this while he was standing still. God forbid that he would actually need to run and hold up his pants and hold on to his cellphone at the same time. 

The female, however, was adjusting her pants because they were too tight. She had a figure that made "down" the direction of least resistance, and pants that were so yoga pants tight that the second law of elasto-dynamics automatically peeled her like a molting snake. 

So here's my dumb, age-engendered, things sure aren't the way the used to be, when did that become normal, question. Too loose or too tight, they don't keep you covered. 

When did they start designing pants to not do what pants are designed to do?

America, ya gotta love it. 

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