Thursday, August 29, 2013

2060 Gray Hooligans

As in many things, we need only look to Japan to see the newest trend coming down the pipe. From Hello Kitty to the strange fad of eyeball licking, Japan gets there first and the rest of the world can only stand in awe before rushing in willy-nilly to get in on the craze.

So it was with great trepidation that I read of the newest cultural direction Japan may be the vanguard of. Or maybe I should say the old guard. Because it's the Japanese seniors, not their teenage fashionistas, that are taking center stage. 

It's the silver shoplifters. 

Yep, turns out that because of cuts in welfare and pensions, Japan's surging senior boomer bulge is turning to crime, many of them stealing food to survive. Recent police records indicate that shoplifters are now more likely to be over 65 than under 18.

Offenses by over 65-year-olds have doubled in the last decade. Overall crime has dropped. Japanese prisons have had to install handrails and ramps to accommodate elderly inmates.

So look out America, with our own budget cuts, and big bankrupt companies and places like Detroit defaulting and wiping out pensions, our bulging baby boomers aren't far behind. And though it's easier to chase down a single senior shoplifter, it won't be long before they're traveling in gangs for support. The Gray Panthers back on the street and ready for arthritic action. Bluehaired Hooligans. 

The AARPocalypse.

Especially since we already have handrails and ramps installed everywhere. And with the ubiquity of motorized scooters subsidized by the feds, the senior gangs will be able to run rampant.  

Mark my words you young whippersnappers. When life's other pleasures have faded, food's all you got left. 

There's nothing more vicious than a hungry senior.

America, ya gotta love it. 

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