Tuesday, August 05, 2014

2282 Beast Mode

I once made the observation that the Biblical "Sign of the Beast" would be the Universal Product Code stamped on our foreheads. You know, that barcode they use to mark anything and everything to keep track of all our commercial transactions. Seemed to me it was the ultimate sign of the times, and sign of the apocalypse.

That was until everyone started getting tattoos. Then I surmised the barcode wouldn't be stamped, it would be tattooed. And it would be voluntary, perhaps to get a discount at a supermarket like a club card, or maybe just to get airline miles. You'd pass through a scanner and your universal barcode account would instantly be credited an electronic coupon.

I never thought people would do it for just laziness. But now they can. Motorola has unveiled a digital tattoo that you can wear to unlock your phone. You heard right, you won't have to tap in your password or go to all the trouble to take off your glove so your phone can recognize your touch, just wave your phone over your tattoo and bingo, it's unlocked. 

The temporary electronic tattoos affix using surgical adhesive and last through showers and wear and tear for about a week. Even longer if you live in your mom's basement and never shower. Bonus: It doesn't malfunction from Cheetos dust.

What price this convenience? A mere 10 dollars for a ten-pack. A dollar a week and you can save yourself the endless effort of tapping and re-tapping your password. 

And what a perfect sign of the times it is. The two defining icons of the digital generation, tattoos and smartphones, brought together in one task to increase and indulge the third defining characteristic of modern culture.  

Lucifer, thy name is Laziness.

America, ya gotta love it. 

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