Monday, September 16, 2013

2070 Caller Single

Sometimes folks ask me why I don't upgrade my phone. One of the reasons is because I haven't got a good offer from my carrier. I get offers all the time. But they aren't good because they neglect my phone needs as a single person.

They always offer me beaucoup savings if I add a line. But why would I need another line? I'm just me. I can't see carrying around two phones just so I can save money. 

It's like those stupid buy-one-get-one-free coupons the fast food places are always sending me. Conspiring to make me fat since I find it hard to resist a good deal on food. Unfortunately, fast food has a fast pull date. Or pull minute. I can't save the free one for the next day's meal. Reheated Big Macs or Doritos Locos tacos suck.

So I'm sure not going to enter a 2-year contract for a separate line just to save money. Maybe it's part of some vast social engineering conspiracy.  Make me get into a relationship to save money on my phone. 

Add a partner and add a line. We'll even throw in a buy-one-get-one-free coupon to Burger King. Get hitched and get obese.

Nah. I've been divorced a few times. Cheaper just to carry around two phones. Relationships are tough. Just ask Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. All that time married and now on the rocks because of some ill-chosen words from old Michael. They say loose lips sink ships. So do slips of the tongue. 

But I heard the real reason was Hollywood-style jealously caused by on-screen romance with acting partners. Catherine was upset Michael was the one that got to kiss Matt Damon.

Poof. There goes the Friends and Family Plan....

America, ya gotta love it.

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