Thursday, October 24, 2013

2098 Mary Jacks

I made reference to tofu in my last essay. Not tofu the ancient martial art of bean wrangling. Tofu the very healthy food. In the interest of balance I'd like to talk about it's diametric opposite, Jack-in the-Box's late night munchie menu.

Jack-in-the-Box has created a new menu that seems to be devoted to devotees of the cannabis plant. The first clue, of course, is that they used the word "munchie". They claim that the term munchie, like the term 'shroom, has evolved beyond drug parlance and entered the vocabulary of Jack's late night demographic, shift workers and millennials.

Wink wink.

The menu is only available after 9 at night, the coveted "fourth meal" territory formerly claimed by Taco Bell, when roving packs of hungry millennials roll down their windows and come drifting in clouds of smoke into the drive-thru lane. Cheech and Chong in a chopped Honda. 

Uh huh. You be the judge.

        The four late night choices all also include halfsies¾combo curlie and regular fries¾2 tacos and a 20-oz soft drink. Like you'll need the extra calories after these main dishes: There's the "Stacked Grilled Cheeseburger," a sourdough grilled-cheese sandwich placed on top of a cheeseburger. Or the "Exploding Cheesy Chicken Sandwich," a chicken sandwich loaded with mozzarella cheese sticks and gooey, melted cheese sauce. Or "Loaded Nuggets," drowning in two kinds of cheese, plus ranch dressing and bacon. Finally, for those too addled to decide between dinner and breakfast at 3:00 am, there's the "Brunch Burger," a cheeseburger with not just a fried egg but also a hash-brown patty on top.

        Sounds completely straight to me. Straight to a coronary. The hidden danger of legalization. Munchie-induced obesity and heart disease.

        Dude, eat that and you're gonna get a munchin-ary.

        America, ya gotta love it.

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