Tuesday, October 15, 2013

2091 Beaver Squeeze

We've developed great partnerships with animals over the years. From raising sheep for wool to chickens for eggs to cows for milk, animals have been wonderful friends to mankind. 

But when you think about some of the stuff we do with them you gotta wonder. Like the very expensive coffee we get from a monkey's bowels. It actually comes from the Kopi Luwak, a civet, which is only vaguely monkey-like. They look more like a tree weasel. 

The Kopi Luwak is fed coffee beans which, after being organically processed by its bowels, are harvested from its fecal matter. Log one for organic superiority. The taste is so good and the prices so high Kopi coffee has been counterfeited lately and a DNA test had to be developed to determine its authenticity.

Ah, the sweet essence of anal excrescence.

As another story confirms. Apparently a new passionate market for a baked goods flavoring is developing to rival the Kopi coffee obsession. Turns out the anal secretions of beavers smell similar to vanilla and are being used to flavor pastries, cakes, and suchlike according to Sweden's National Food Agency.

The beaver's anal glands secrete a substance called castoreum, which can be used in perfume or processed foods. The agency did say that widespread use was unlikely since "the beaver is not an animal which is bred, so supply is not that great." 

But you haven't lived till you've tasted a beaver secretion cupcake.

Still, there's the harvesting problem. I suppose it's not any more difficult than bull semen collection or Kopi Luwak super-dooper pooper pickin', but it would take a particular sort of person to take it on. 

"What's this on your resume? Beaver anal gland squeezing? You've got the job. You'll be perfect as a radio salesman..."  

America, ya gotta love it.

No comments: