Monday, October 21, 2013

2095 Organ Wiz

Whenever I hear the term organic I find it hard to think of vegetables. I guess because my brain automatically shortens it to organ, and so makes the word organic mean organ-like. 

So there was an interesting organic story in the news recently. It was about an Italian long-distance runner who was caught with his pants down, so to speak. Well actually not "so to speak," he really did have his pants down, as he was trying to pass a urine test to determine whether he'd used performance-enhancing drugs. 

As a side note, when I was growing up we never had news stories involving athletes' urine. Just another example of how American decorum is trickling away.

Anyhow, the runner was caught using an inorganic organ to pass his p-test. Devis Licciardi, age 27, used a fake, um, man-appendage filled with someone else's urine. No word on how he was actually grabbed by authorities but the whole scenario dampens my enthusiasm for sports. The length people will go to to cheat.

But here's the weird thing: The organ was apparently a commercial product, available for $140, called the Whizzinator. Not sure what other uses the Whizzinator could be put to to make it a commercially viable product, what with the cost of manufacture, even with cheap Third World labor. Or what the laborers think of manufacturing penile prostheses capable of being filled with and spraying out someone else's urine. 

Could it be used for a questionable Halloween costume perhaps? A novelty home fire extinguisher? Instead of a flower in the lapel for an X-rated clown? 

All I know is that it sounds like a really bad movie, featuring a geriatric robot from the future, running amok with a roaring torrent of incontinence. 

Starring Arnold Schwartzenegger, it's... Whizzinator.

America, ya gotta love it.

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