Thursday, October 10, 2013

2087 Salmonetti

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen. We haven't had a big food scare in a while. Which is good. Seemed like everything healthy was suddenly turning on us. E coli everywhere. Contaminated bean sprouts. Fecal matter in lettuce. Cantaloupe listeria hysteria.

It was as if all the foods we were supposed to eat to make us feel better were turning on is to make us feel worse. A veritable vegetable revolution. Like a bad 50s B-Movie. Attack of the killer cumquats.

Meanwhile, with undercooked beef and raw sushi at gourmet restaurants having their problems, it seemed like the only place you could get safe food was at the fast food joints. Like Ronald had the right idea after all. Fry the flavor out of it, or kill everything in boiling oil, and then zap it in the microwave for good measure. 

Take your raw lettuce back to the septic tank fields.

Back in the old days we used to have to worry about getting sick from food because it spoiled. Before refrigeration, they handled that by pickling, curing, or smoking things. One way to do that was with the aid of spices. 

So guess what the newest contamination point source is? Yep, salmonella in spices. A new study by the FDA found that 7% of imported spices are laced with salmonella. 

The suspicious spice mix? 15% of coriander, 12% of basil and oregano, and 4% of black pepper. Damn, there goes my spaghetti sauce recipe. Let's see, a dash of coriander, a teaspoon of oregano and basil, pepper to taste, and a soupcon of salmonella. 

Voila! Pasta Amadiarrhea! Salmonetti!

My advice? Add spices before cooking. Then throw it out and get the new Spaghetti Burger at Jack in the Box.   

America, ya gotta love it.

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