#340 Kountdown

I saw something new the other day. It was in Lacey so the technology has probably been around in bigger cities for a while. I’m not sure what to make of it. If, in fact, it is a sign the countdown to the apocalypse has already begun. Because it was a countdown clock too. But instead of being at the top of a New York building and getting ready to plummet a ball to the bottom or raise it to the top to celebrate the new year it was a clock that told you how much time you had left to cross the street. Yep, it was a crosswalk countdown clock. Now on the face of it, it’s not a bad idea. Oldsters who were too slow would know that not only was the red hand gonna start blinking but when. Nothing worse when you can’t move very fast than stepping off the curb and committing yourself when the green guy is shining smiley at you then after three steps seeing the red hand start to blink. It’s enough to bring on an infarction. Personally, I’ve always had a little trouble with the international crosswalk symbols anyhow. Why does a green guy with unresolved appendages signify walk, a red hand signify don’t walk, and a blinking red hand mean “run like hell”? And if we’re going to do this countdown thing lets do it where we got a fighting chance—for the drivers. A countdown to red clock would make yellow lights as fun as the start of a drag race. Yellow lights could become the newest urban sport. More fun than trying to get across the track before the crossing bar gets completely down. I once knew a comedian on the circuit, probably dead from cocaine use now. I never see him local and he never hit the big time. He had this bit about international crosswalk signs. Preferred the old written walk/don’t walk idea. Said the green guy was okay but the red hand was killing the heck out of our native American friends. So true, a raised spread-fingered hand can signify more than stop. And really, the digital resolution of the hand is pretty wimpy. What are there, like 12 LCDs depicting a crude hand? You can’t tell if its palm facing you or back of the hand facing you in some kind of come hither move or Victorian parade wave. I would think that a society that’s capable of inventing a countdown crosswalk could render a better hand. I mean, you got your diamond vision casino signs on the freeway that do full motion video, heck, even the car dealerships have full animation and special effects. Joe Normal has LCD big screen TVs. Isn’t it time our crosswalk signs got their technology up to the 21st century. Have a picture of a scolding school marm wagging her finger at you. Or a police officer with a whistle and a white glove. Or a flag person—should I call her a flag—waving a Stop sign back and forth. But a countdown clock? It seems too competitive. If I was a kid I’d be on the corner with my friends—daring them to run when the clock got down to two.
America, ya gotta love it.