#325 Kalifornia Standard

Sometimes the product positioning people go too far. Or maybe it’s just the copywriters. It seems like everyone has to be something they’re not and everything has to be something else. A lot of high flown language to no purpose. Around about the time janitors became custodial engineers and anything nodular became pasta, America turned down this alternative naming road from which there has yet to be an exit progression directional sequence.
I saw such the other day. We installed new windows in our home and I was peeling off the labels, I read one. It described the windows low-E properties and gave a few meaningless numbers. Like the energy ratings on appliances, unless there’s a calculator handy I have no idea how much it’s going to cost or save me. In any event, the fine print at the bottom said “This fenestration product has been certified by the manufacturer to meet the air infiltration requirements of section 116(a)1 California Energy standards.” California is the gold standard of environmental regulation. I just got a watermelon that proudly proclaimed it met the environmental standards of the state of Arizona. What is known as the lead standard—as in balloon, as in contaminated drinking water, as in deregulation. Well actually, there’s no “de” about it there was never any regulation to start with. The Arizona watermelon also referenced the EPA. Formally known as the Environmental Protection Agency, currently cheerfully deregulating under the sobriquet, “Enhance Profit Agency.”
I digress. When did a window become a fenestration product? And when did a draft become air infiltration? Hey Bob, nice fenestration product you got there. Do tell, Jerry you should see it protect against a cold air infiltration. Yeah right. The really sad thing is, the certification of the manufacturer was obtained from the National Fenestration Rating Council, the much ballyhooed NFRC. Not to be confused with the group who kidnapped Patty Hearst or the one who defends our God-given right to carry antitank weapons when we’re out killing grouse. My god, honey this here winda has been certified by the NFRC. And with this energy rating, if them commies to take it from me, my cold dead hands will be warmer.
I seem to remember from my 12 years of high school German that the word fenster was the German version of window. Or was he on the Addams Family? I also remember that fenestration was what people did when they wanted to open up holes in something—to perforate it. And I vaguely remember some story about two monks being thrown out a window by some protestants back in the religious wars of the 1600s. The historian reporting it said the monks were defenestrated. I guess this high-flown language stuff has actually been with us a long time.
America, ya gotta love it.