#72 Cowgirl Up

I’m the first to admit I’m a complete ignoramus when it comes to some things. I saw this truck the other day. It appeared that the owner was female. And that she wanted to communicate a certain attitude to the rest of the world. When I’ve said in the past that cars rendered people mute I didn’t mean that cars themselves were uncommunicative. Far from it, people like to use their cars as personal billboards for all sorts of politics, religion, and buying preferences. Funny thing about bumper stickers and decals. The more strident the message, the more tinted the glass.
This gal’s truck was no exception. On the upper left of the back window was the term “Cowgirl Up.” Meaning, possibly, it’s her turn at the plate? Her turn to shine? She’s up on the horse and ready to ride? Anyhow, the pictures underneath got me confused. Not each picture mind you, they were pretty clear, but the combination of the two. The picture on the left—I say pictures but they were actually those cartoon renditions of little brats that do stuff to other things—and the stuff they do is usually urinary. The fad started with a male cartoon who looked a lot like Calvin, of Calvin and Hobbes, and he was depicted in the act of urinating on various things the owner of the vehicle didn’t like. Usually Ford trucks had a cartoon Calvin clone peeing on Chevrolet and vice versa. This gal’s rendition had two cowgirls squatting down and apparently urinating on a phrase that said “Import Cars.” The bodily function in question appeared to be somewhat magical as the cartoon females in question appeared to have their cartoon trousers firmly in place and not around their cartoon knees or anything. Magical perhaps, messy for sure. Of course, it was a cartoon side view, so it’s entirely possible the cartoon maidens were wearing cartoon chaps.
On the right side of the darkly-tinted window was Cartoon Calvin, but he wasn’t peeing, he was knelt in front of a large white cross, praying. I prayed for understanding myself. From all I could tell this car was owned by a cowgirl proto-feminist who hated import cars, who was also a Christian.
As I’ve said before, I’m can be an ignoramous. But it seems like when I was going to church when I was a kid, the whole point of Christianity was not just in praying for forgiveness for yourself, but in forgiving your enemies as well. “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,” says it pretty clearly, and as far as I’m aware, the entire remainder of the Lords Prayer fails to mention the notion of peeing on anyone or anything. In my church, the idea of peeing on anything in public was considered, if not an outright sin, at least highly inappropriate. And the idea of putting a depiction of said act on the back of a truck window, where every impressionable child could see it, was worth an extra helping of brimstone come judgment day. But what do I know, churches are so specialized these days. Could be a Cowgirl Pee and Pray Service going on out there right now.
America, ya gotta love it.