#60 Stalking the Rat

My sister and brother-in-law were up visiting and they left behind this AAA magazine. She works for AAA and so gets the magazine a couple of weeks ahead of the general public. Boy, big organizations sure hand out the perks these days don’t they? In the magazine is an article on Disneyland. Seems they’re celebrating their fiftieth anniversary this year. I’m not enthused. Maybe because every fifth year since their 25th they’ve been hyping a major anniversary. After 25, 30, 35, 40, and 45, 50 is just a bit of a yawner. But I admire Disneyland, if only for the exquisite psychology of mind control they’ve developed over the years. Namely, how do you make people wait in 2-hour lines, ride only six rides in the course of a twelve hour day, deal with squalling kids and cranky relatives, sun-burned necks and upset tummies, eat incredibly expensive food with no place to sit down while you do so, stumble back to a car that’s impossible to find in a 500-acre parking lot, struggle through southern California freeway traffic both coming and going and still manage to call yourself the “Happiest Place on Earth?” It’s no wonder one of their iconic characters is The Mad Hatter. And another is a figure known, simply, as Goofy.
Seriously though, the next time you’re at an airport or post office and you’re confronted with that serpentine pseudo-path created by movable stanchions and extended cloth tape, you can thank Disney. They found out early on that if you’re in a long line, you stay way more patient if you think you’re making progress. Making it to the next pole or the next switchback becomes just as important, and nearly as rewarding, as making it to the actual ride. Also, Disney discovered if you can load a lot of people on the ride at once, so the line advances in clumps, temporary empty zones will open up as the line redistributes. You get this exhilarating feeling when you rush forward. It’s almost like a ride itself. Disney also realized that if people are waiting in line a long time you have to give them something to look at. So their famous attention to detail was born.
To that end, Disney scatters through the park costumed versions of the whole group of interesting characters they’ve invented or co-opted over the years, to the delight of children of all ages. “Children of All Ages,” by the way, is a Disney invention. I’m looking at a picture of Pluto on the magazine. Pluto is Mickey the Rats’ dog. Hey, if you’re going to make a rat lovable and human, he’s gotta have a dog. Funny, the thought of giant rats with dogs always gives me nightmares. Anyhow, in this picture a six-foot-tall Pluto is standing next to a little girl on Main Street in Disneyland. His orange plush costume is nearly perfect in every detail, complete to the license tag hanging from his neck. “Pluto,” it says, “if found please return to Mickey Mouse.” How nice, and how socially responsible. All pets should be licensed, ergo, Pluto should have a license.
So where, pray tell, is his spay/neuter tag? The last thing we need is a bunch of six-foot-tall, orange plush, walking-on-their-hind-legs, dogs running around on the streets. That would not make my earth a happy place.
America, ya gotta love it.