#63 Luv is all you need

So if you reverse the meaning of the word fat by changing the ‘f’ to a ‘ph’ what other words could we do the same to to benefit humanity? I mean, it seems a clever linguistic solution to a whole host of challenging situations. I know I’ve often been strapped for the converse of a word. If I could just slap a ph on all the f-words in my vocabulary and make it mean the opposite, I’d be one ph-orlorn camper. The only real difficulty would be in pronouncing it in such a way that the listener could discern the subtle difference between the f and the ph. I suggest just the hint of a breath between the f and the rest of the word. Imagine you’re almost pronouncing the h. Let’s see. Fisher. Ph-isher. Okay. I think I got it. Fickle lovers would be ph-ickle lovers if they always remained true. If you wanted to go backward instead of forward you could go ph-orward. The person that came in last at the race would be ph-irst. If someone was boring you instead of fascinating you could tell them they were ph-astinating. With any luck they might not catch on. You could have all kinds of ph-un. Still, you’d have to be careful. I’m guessing you couldn’t use a certain F-word and spell it with a PH and get away with it over the airwaves, whether it was the F-CC or the PH-CC that shut you down.
Speaking of weird spellings. One of my high school kids is going through that whole dating thing. Remember? When we used the term Luv, spelled L-U-V, instead of love l-o-v-e, to signify that our relationships were not at the ultimate level yet. At least that’s what my girlfriends always told me. The way I understood it, you could “l-u-v” luv someone and still go out with other people. Or at least she could. If she l-u-v’d you, and you really l-u-v’d her, you were supposed to patiently wait for her to go through her fling and not actually date anyone else. See, it was like a spelling test. You’d wait for a spell, and if she didn’t come back she must have only l-u-v’d you after all. L-u-v was kind of more than friendship but less than total commitment. Kind of an open marriage sort of thing, but for teenagers that were fickle with a capital F.
Guess what? They still do it today. If you can believe it, even after a generation of Phil Donahues and Doctor Phils, Montels and Oprahs, Jennys and Jerrys, kids still use each other in their stunted emotional ways. They manipulate relationships to have freedom when they want it and how they want it. And they do their conniving best to keep the other member of their sacred couple off the market and tied to the nose ring of affection. Luv, luv, luv.
Where did the term come from? Good question. Maybe it’s not a bad spelling of love after all. Maybe its an acronym. We have SUVs. That stands for Sport Utility Vehicle. What could LUV mean? How about: Love, User Version?
America, ya gotta love it.