#70 Miscellaneous Musings

I’m cursed with one of those minds that sees the world through a twisted lens. The odd thing is, I don’t have to think about it much, reality just seems to skew on the way in.
When everybody started talking about who was to be the next Pope with the death of Pope John Paul, I thought, Pope George-Ringo? Sorry, Lord, it was a natural. When there were reports of some of the competing cardinals trash-talking each other in the succession conclave, I thought, oh great, a papal smear campaign. There was even a mention of a Latin American pope possibility and one of my friends talked about the pope-mobile being customized in the manner popularized by Hispanic auto artists; lowered and chromed and what-not. Great, I replied. People will be pope-ing their ride.
Part of my curse is due to my having picked up and retained all kinds of weird old words in the course of my life. Recently there was a local scandal involving money and the organizer of the Procession of the Species parade event. My first thought was, hmm, how coincidental. Specie is an old term for money. An inquiry into the suspicious money trail would be just that, a question about the procession of the species. It’s hard enough to be a punster. Being an obscure reference punster is the kiss of death.
Do you ever wonder if political pollsters, when trying to figure out how to question a particular target demo-graphic, also try to figure out a particular republo-graphic? If you are not quite in the center enough politically to be an independent, are you a demo-can or a republic-crat?
The other day I was opening my bills. When it tried to open the envelope from Pacific Disposal, my trash company, I noticed that the envelope flap was on the bottom. They hadn’t just put the bill in upside down, the addresses and everything were lined up perfectly with the cellophane windows on the front side. I finally figured out why. When you open the bottom of the envelope you have to dump out its contents. Get it? Trash company? Dump?
Speaking of Dumping. Does anybody really know why Steer manure and Cow manure are different? Do they have different effects on your lawn because of different residual traces of growth hormones and antibiotics? My, your lawn is really green, Fred, is it the steer-oids or the tetracycline?
I was driving near Yelm the other day and I saw one of those signs that tell you who cleaned up that particular section of roadway. The sign said this section of highway sponsored by the John Birch Society, Yelm Chapter. Do you think they hated cleaning up the parts of the road that curved to the left?
And riddle me this Batman: Why, if the point is to be noticed, do panhandlers always seem to wear camouflage clothing?
America, ya gotta love it.