#64 Depends

If someone from the renaissance was suddenly snatched up in a time warp and ended up here in the 21st century, you can bet they’d be bewildered indeed. Motion pictures love to deal with this subject, but most of the time they fixate on the larger technological advances in our culture. Leonardo Da Vinci, say, would be really impressed by aero-planes and loco-motives and auto-mobiles. Maybe. I think old Leo would be totally blown away by our “notions.” Yep, notions. As in cards and notions. As in the stuff drug stores started carrying back in the five-and-dime days because drugs alone weren’t sufficient to maintain the bottom line. Had to add a cotton ball or two to give the customers something to shop for and keep them happy while they were waiting for their prescriptions.
I think Leonardo would have a cow the first time he walked though a grocery store and went down the absorption aisle. You know the aisle I’m talking about; it’s always right next to hair products and shaving needs and right before pet supplies. Did I say grocery store?
I would hazard a guess that someone from the 16th century would be mystified by the 21st century’s obsession with body fluids and the absorption thereof. But, let’s face it, we literally run the cradle-to-grave gamut when it comes to keeping dry in our nether regions. You start with Huggies and Pampers, the Coke and Pepsi of the diaper world. The Lords of landfill filling. The storied inventors of the first synthetic throwaway poopookahkah holders. From there a 21st century child advances to “pull-ups” or their generic equivalent. The just-in-case diaper. A back up for the backside, as it were. When adolescence hits, the fairer gender finds itself with a different problem, but, never fear, the wonders of technology and science have been put at their disposal as well. Eventually the cycle ends where it started, with the diaper, but not before a lighter version, kind of a geriatric pull-up, is passed through. Then, of course, it’s the full on Depends adult diaper, for those whose biological machinery has worn out and can’t keep the gaskets sealed any longer.
Leonardo, spending a little time with our culture, would no doubt note that as our population has aged it has spent more and more time and energy obsessing about the twin evils of senior living, constipation and incontinence. You either can’t go or you go too much. Stove up or blown out. And he would invent a solution. An adult diaper permeated with a chemical laxative to relieve constipation. When the diaper is worn, body heat triggers the release of laxative chemical vapor directly into the area of contention. The diaper is then already in place to catch any undue or sudden release.
Genius that he is, you can bet Leonardo would even come up with a great advertising slogan: “With depends like this who needs enemas.”
America, ya gotta love it.