Tuesday, September 09, 2014

2306 Fungi on the Prowl

I was driving out by Hawks Prairie recently. It was one of those beautiful northwest mornings. The air was warm and very still and I realized I could close my eyes and know exactly where I was. Because the place smelled like the mushroom farm.

Interestingly, it didn't smell that bad. Not like the fertilizer they use to nurture the mushrooms but a little like the mushrooms themselves. A little like umami. Yes. Hawks Prairie smelled savory.

Umami, that fifth taste bud that allows us to taste savory and for whose stimulation a new additive is added to just about every processed food there is as a substitute for MSG. Mushroom extract or yeast extract. Natural glutamate. Fungus.

The fungus among us which is taking over the world. Foods with umami are more addictive. Look at the ingredients list on all the flavored chips and savory concoctions filling up supermarket shelves. There are fungus byproducts everywhere.  

Coincidence? I don't think so. Because fungus spores can last forever. Fungus spores have been found in space and they spread the fungus among us and beyond. 

Scared? You should be. The largest living organism on Earth is a humongous fungus. It lives in Oregon and covers over 2000 acres of forest. 2000 acres! Four square miles. It survives by breaking down the organic tissue of the dead and dying trees. But what's to stop it from eating living things too? 

All fungus is connected. Yeast infections proliferate. On the skin and in the gut. And you never want toenail fungus to get a foothold. Now the Great Fungus has tricked us into spreading it all over the world because we like its flavor. 

The mushroom conspiracy is, well, mushrooming. Soon there won't be any room for anything else.

America, ya gotta love it. 

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