Wednesday, November 27, 2013

2122 Spud Dud

A friend came back from visiting Idaho recently. Before he left a group of us told him not to forget to bring us back some potatoes. I understand according to their prisoner metalworkers that Idaho is famous for them.

My friend instead brought back some souvenir candies called "Idaho Spud Bites." Unfortunately, about the only Idahoian thing about them was their name. 

The clear plastic package held a group of small, oblong, vaguely potato-shaped, chocolate-looking items. Sort of tiny potatoes but not quite tater tots. Tiny like if you ordered a baked potato in Munchkinland and then asked for it to be coated in chocolate and sprinkled with coconut flakes. Because, I guess, there are so many coconut trees in Idaho. 

After I got past the fact that they looked kind of like deer scat with a rime of leaf mold, I took a bite. And promptly spit it out again. My tongue telling me maybe, in fact, it was deer scat with a rime of leaf mold. 

I quickly looked at the ingredients list and was appalled to find these noxious pellets each contained about 17 ingredients. Sugar led the list, joined by Corn Syrup, Coconut, and partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil. (I believe that's the oil you get when you hold a kernel in your palm). 

Then there was invert sugar, cornstarch, cocoa powder, chocolate liquor, and egg albumen (often used in vaccinations---from what? I wondered. Deer scat-atitis?) 

Several chemical ingredients followed, of which my favorite was Agar Agar. Which I guess meant it was an agar form of agar, whatever that is. Perhaps a derivative of deer scat. Or a chemical to give it it's old pirate flavor. Agarrrr.

I wish he had just brought me a potato. 

America, ya gotta love it. 

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