Tuesday, November 05, 2013

2106 Car Norms

We assume a lot. Like I was driving recently and the car in front of me was driving erratically. Since it was the middle of the day, I assumed the driver was texting. Drunken driving and texting driving are about the same.

I could have been wrong though, because the vehicle I was driving behind was chopped. You know what I mean, very low to the ground, with fancy wheels, big tail pipes and additional aerodynamic fairings added to it. Which always seems funny because the aerodynamics are supposed to help you go faster, but the lowering means a bump at high speed will tear off your menacing low bumper. 

Anyhow, what got me about it was the chopped car wasn't the Honda you would assume. It was a chopped Subaru Forester. I know, that's about as surprising as a Prius with trucknuts, those faux gonads rednecks hang from their trailer hitch. 

A chopped Subaru Forester doesn't meet our expectations, right? Chopped Japanese cars are for "drifting," like they do in the Fast and Furious movies. Is an SUV-based stable platform 4-wheel-drive car set up for that? I don't know. The off-road stability may make it even better.

They violated another assumed car norm too. It was a complete waste of space on the back end. There wasn't one bumper sticker on it. A Subaru without a bumper sticker is lots of political opinion real estate going to waste. It's like a Volvo without a "Baby on Board" sign. Or a pickup truck without a window sticker of Calvin relieving himself on something. Or an Odyssey without a mommy van set of family stick figures demonstrating what sports they all do. 

Cars are who we are.

Or so I assume.

America, ya gotta love it. 

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