Monday, November 11, 2013

2110 Cucumbersome

I quoted another comic the other day in a newsletter I sent out. The quote was from Oscar Wilde: "Always borrow money from a pessimist, he won't expect it back." I got a few responses, among them requests to borrow money from me. One response just said it was too bad I was a pessimist. To which I replied, all comedians are pessimists. Just ask Bob Hope.

The truth is we're not actually pessimists. We're romantics. Romantics tend to approach the world with high expectations and then end up being disappointed. It is that disconnect between expect and reject that makes for comedy.

So I thought recently, when I finally got around to hearing about a study that apparently took place a while back. It was a study that showed what scents get female folks more romantic. Or perhaps amorous is a better word. 

In any event, scientists measuring the blood flow to certain female bodily areas determined which scents are most likely to get said person in the mood.  The most aphrodisiacal aromas? Cucumber slices in conjunction with Good and Plenty candies. 

Great. Now I have to stock up on those. How cucumbersome.

Mild licorice and fresh cucumber, scientists have no idea why. Paleoanthropologists are digging to come up with a theory. Sociologists are shrugging their shoulders. Freudian psychologists grabbed onto the cucumber thing but couldn't dream up a reason for the licorice. 

As a romantic, I'd say it's probably that those scents represent the pungent vitality of life. As a pessimist, I'd say it's just that they represent food and that's all the females really expect. Nothing gets you in the mood for procreation more than abundant supplies of calories. My proof? The third most popular scent is Banana Nut Bread.

Shut up Freudians.

America, ya gotta love it. 

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