Monday, June 09, 2014

2243 Chunks O'Crazy

Sometimes it seems like a chunk of the world is going crazy. Then something even crazier comes up in your own backyard.

Like recently, I read this news story about Brazil. Brazil's kind of scary. You may remember I wrote an essay awhile back about a Brazilian soccer star who killed his ex-wife and chopped her up to feed to the dogs. At the time of the story he was being work-released to play for his professional soccer team. 

Soccer's pretty important in South America.

The recent story I read about Brazil was related to soccer too. They’re hosting the World Cup there this year. So Brazilian police have published a safety guide for tourists. The guide instructs tourists not to scream if they’re mugged, so their robbery doesn't turn into murder. 

And, um, so the Brazilian police don't have to leave their TV sets tuned to the World Cup and come running to actually try to apprehend the muggers. By the way, don't complain too loudly if you get ripped off by a ticket scalper, he may actually physically scalp you.

Then there's our own North Carolina. A woman there called the 911 emergency line because her Subway flatbread pizza was made with marinara sauce instead of pizza sauce. Marinara is, you know, essentially pizza sauce pre-blender. 

In Subway's defense, they say very clearly in their ads that they use marinara sauce. Nonetheless, Bevalente Hall, aged 37, told the 911 operators that, "I can't eat that kind of sauce." Perhaps she gets restricted breathing from a psychosomatic reaction to chunkytomatophobia.

In a related story, a recent poll done by the company YouGov found that only 4% of Americans think they are less intelligent than the average person. 

Oddly, the same percentage suffering from chunkytomatophobia. 

America, ya gotta love it. 

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