Wednesday, June 05, 2013

2002 Crud

I wrote recently about the Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger and how it was just one extreme example of food you can find at carnivals and fairs. Not food exactly, Coronary Reaction Activating Product is more like it. CRAP. But that's too harsh a word. Back when I was growing up, instead of pronouncing the word the initials CRAP spell out, we used the euphemism "crud."
So I'm thinking, maybe we should encourage healthy food eating but calling all healthy food simply "food" and all unhealthy food "crud."
If we did so that Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger I saw at the Lacey Spring Fun Fair would qualify as super-crud.
"Junkfood" isn't harsh enough. It still includes the word food and that implies it's edible and by some stretch of the imagination good for you. If we just call it "crud" such implication disappears.
Likewise, if we only label healthy food "food" we'll eliminate the prissiness from the "healthy" food appellation. Putting health in a word or phrase makes it sound like it's approved by a sniffing set of schoolmarms nannyfying your steamed vegetables.
It's all about the psychology. When you go to the dentist, he doesn't say you're going to feel a prick or a little pain when he sticks the needle in your gums. He says you'll feel a little "pinch." At least he used to, now he says you'll feel a little "pressure." When my kid was born, he made my wife feel a lot of "pressure."
So to get healthy let's get rid of the "healthy" in food. Just call the two categories two different things. Food and crud. If you marry the two you can describe accordingly, and maybe eat better.
Because a chocolate-covered strawberry would be---
A strawberry covered with crud.
America, ya gotta love it.

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