Thursday, June 30, 2011

1525 Custom Wiener

I was at a big festival the other day and naturally, they had a lot of interesting food booths. This one place had a big sign that said "Custom Sausage." And as they were even then serving up said "custom" sausages, I kind of wondered if they knew what the word "custom" meant.
My idea of custom is like custom houses, where you, the end user, have a say in how the builder customizes the house. He makes it just for you. Custom built as it were.
When you customize a car, you make it different from its factory churned-out appearance. Though they seem similar, "hand-crafted" and "custom" are not necessarily synonyms.
So, I wondered, how does one customize a sausage?
"Oh yeah, I'd like the basic model, but with a few recipe changes, if I might. First, I'd like extra cumin and just a touch of tarragon. Oh, and could you make it lamb only? Wait a minute, never mind. I like older sheep. How about a mutton sausage?
"And then, for Aunt Maybelle, I'd like something special. Do you think you could make it with chicken feet? She loves chickens. And throw in an extra set of cow lips and turkey sphincters. She likes sausage chewy.
"And for her granddaughter I'd like something special. She loves pets. Do you make different shapes? Cool! How about a cat-shaped sausage. No? How about a dog-shaped one? You can? Hot diggety. Make it a wiener dog of course.
"And I wonder about casings. Is it possible to customize those too? Good. I'll have the venison bowel. I hear wild ungulate intestines are the best texture.
"And I've always wanted a free range wiener."
America, ya gotta love it.

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