1382 Brazilian Blowouting

“Brazilian Blowouts Endanger Lives!” the headline screamed. The possible meanings were manifold. Was there some recent influx of defective Brazilian tires in the US? Brazilians have been buying up all sorts of companies with their newfound oil wealth. Their oil comes from deep offshore wells. Was one of them gushing like a BP Blowout? Endangering wild and tame life.
The worst explanation was the most terrifying. Maybe it was a bikini-waxing gone horribly, desperately wrong. Larry from the Three Stooges came unbidden to my mind.
But no, the truth was more scary. My dear sister had led me to the headline and the story. Turns out a Brazilian Blowout is a hair treatment, all the rage with fashion forward folks everywhere. It’s essentially a hair straightener. It supposedly contains keratin, which is the natural protein that makes up your hair and fingernails. It’s very expensive. The makers of the product claim it’s perfectly safe.
One Portland beautician worried. After applying it to numerous women, she felt dizzy, brain-addled, and drugged. She called in a state chemist; some research was done, and guess what? The product contains massive amounts of formaldehyde—8 to 10% or more, far more than the point 2% considered safe.
If you ever leaned over a frog you were dissecting in biology class, you know what formaldehyde is and does. Like huffing some serious brain-damaging chemical.
My sister pointed out how this may explain the mental aberrations of Hollywood types that have had this treatment. OMG! Could Lindsey be a Brazilian Abuser?
Hey, it’s the logical next step. They’ve had facelifts, collagen and Botox, why not the ultimate preservative, Formaldehyde? No wonder they look like walking corpses.
Forget Lindsay, it’s time for a Joan Rivers intervention...
America, ya gotta love it.