1369 Dummy Dums

Ya gotta wonder about candymakers sometimes. What are they thinkin’ when it comes to names? I’ve mentioned before how odd it is they named a candy Milk “Dud.” It implies total failure. Why wasn’t the idea of naming a candy “dud” deemed a dud?
So it is with a little sucker I ran across recently. I always forget they make these candies until I see a bowl of them for customers at some office or shop. They are called Dum Dums.
The implications are many. First, it’s a sucker. So I question the wisdom of giving one to one of your customers anyhow. Not only might your patron interpret some hidden meaning to being offered a sucker. It could be a lot worse if you offer them a sucker named Dum Dums.
And what about the manufacturer? Are they implying we would have to be stupid to buy these things? Maybe so. The label I saw on one of them recently seems to confirm this suspicion.
Dum Dums have flavors—strawberry, lemon, lime, etc. Each of them labeled on their little wax paper wrapper accordingly. This Dum Dum was marked “Mystery Flavor.”
That’s pretty scary. Is it a bottom of the batch sort of thing? All the flavors mixed in the dregs of the pot? What does that say about the hygiene of the factory?
Or are they just testing us? Are the tepid flavors of Dum Dums not unlike M&Ms? It doesn’t really matter what color it is, it tastes the same. Watermelon, Mystery Flavor, who cares?
Or are they challenging us? Hey, we dared you to eat something called Dum Dums, and you did. Try this, um, mystery flavor.
Surprise! A liver flavored sucker!
Yum.
I think I’m sticking to Smarties.
America, ya gotta love it.