#34 Sin-tax

I’m not a smoker. I am a taxpayer. So I suppose I should be glad that tax moneys are ponyed up by the poor guys out freezing in the office building porticos. But my innate sense of fairness makes me think otherwise. Sure I hate secondhand smoke. I don’t think any smoker in the world, even in France, can deny that a puff of his used smoke blown in my face doesn’t constitute some sort of hazard. I doubt that he would be pleased if I took a bite of sandwich and then threw up all over him.
Still, the poor smokers with their budget-busting burden of three bucks a pack are currently paying quite a bit for their addiction. And a lot of it is already tax. The tax law writers know they have the poor schmucks over a barrel. They can see that smokers already put up with sub-zero temperatures and driving rain to slip outside and vaporize another coffin nail. Nicotine is about the most addictive drug known to man, second only to meth. It has the power to calm you or to energize you. It’s the powerful precursor to a prolonged and painfully dull workshift or the perfect punctuation to a period of pleasurable activity.
The justification that smokers do huge amounts of financial damage to our strained healthcare system, and not only that, are big contributors to littering, really doesn’t hold up. All right, then put all their taxes into healthcare and highway beautification. But no. The moneys go into the general fund. They are labeled a sin tax. The cigarette smokers are once again left in the cold. Who would defend someone committing a sin? So the cigarette tax is a perfect tax. It taxes a group of people who are hopelessly addicted and have no choice but to pay it, and it taxes a habit that most people find annoying or even obnoxious. The people who engage in said habit are of course, beneath contempt, much less likely to generate any sympathy from the holier than thou—and not the one taxed—public.
So let’s see. I like the addiction-slash-healthcare-cost rationale. I think I’ve found a bottomless well of revenue for lawmakers to slurp up next go-round. Or maybe bottom-less isn’t appropriate syntax. How about bottom-more? Cause this well’s got a big bottom, baby. Right now, the biggest healthcare crisis afflicting this great land of ours is obesity. 60% of the people in our country are suffering some ill effects from over-eating. Medical costs are soaring. And over-eating is an addiction, or at least an obsession. And the self-righteous like to heap lots of scorn on the horizontally challenged. Over-eaters often have to “sneak” out for a snack, huddling on the back porch and slamming down a ding dong. So let’s put a Tax on all junk food. This country sells more pop and potato ships than it does cigarettes. Talk about fat of the land. And I hate it when my co-worker opens up a stinky bag of Doritos next to me anyhow. He can eat the darn stuff outside.
America, ya gotta love it.