Friday, December 20, 2013

2134 Chia Dynasty

Recently I saw something that made me scratch my head. It was an ad for a Chia Pet. I'm sure you remember Chia Pets. Those pottery bases that you put seeds on and then the seeds grow some weird plant material that looks like hair.

If the pottery base looks sufficiently like an animal and the furrows in which the seeds sprout are evenly distributed, it's like Hair Club for Men except Hair Club for Grotesque Looking Pet. 

The seeds used are actually called Chia seeds and are from the mint family. The plant itself was cultivated by the Aztec as a staple food crop.

So I guess at some point you could actually eat your Chia. That means vegetarians could harvest an edible plant from an animal shape. In some cases that might look good, as the terra cotta bases have been rendered in numerous animal-like shapes, among them Chia bulls, Chia pigs and Chia chickens. Yes, I said chi-chi-chi-chia chickens 

Speaking of which, they've also featured Chia celebrities, including Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny. But that's not the weird thing I saw. Chias have evolved to mirror our culture, from the original ram to the aforementioned Chia Elmer Fudds. So this season, you guessed it,  Chia is hawking Duck Dynasty Chia Heads. 

Yep, Uncle Si and Willie, both known for their hirsute pursuits, are rendered in terra cotta, ready to be smeared with Chia paste and encouraged to sprout green hair and beards. Interestingly, as the Chia sprouts are green, it almost looks like Uncle Si's and Willie's hair is growing in camo. Miss Kay would be proud.

I should get them. My other famous Chia died. Too bad. I can tell you, there's no better conversation piece than a green hairy Newt Gingrich. 


America, ya gotta love it.

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