#871 Eat Free or Die

They say that single people die sooner. As I’m a single person that concerns me. Nothing like having a death sentence hanging around your neck to attract babes.
Naturally, I’ve given that disturbing fact a little consideration. Why would so many singlies kick the bucket so soon? They also say stress is the big killer in life. So maybe single folks have more stress.
There is one thing that ratchets up my stress load as a singleton. Coupons. That’s right, coupons.
Is it koo-pons or Q-pons the way? Is it coo because it’s cool to have them? Or Q because you take a cue to save some money?
All I know is the restaurant ones that say “buy one get one free” kill me. With frustration. It’s like getting half off but you can’t get the half off. They demand you have a date to get a deal. Let me take that back, they demand you be in a relationship to get a deal.
Because it’s a sure bet if you’re on your first few dates with a person, pulling put a “buy one get one free” coupon is not going to lead to more dates.
No one likes a cheapskate—even though stores are encouraging us to be cheapskates all the time.
But still, it’s a rip off. Single people are forced to do one of two things: Buy one get one free and overeat, thereby driving themselves to an earlier grave from obesity. Or enlist a bum to take advantage of the meal and get killed because we picked a psychopath.
And we’re not ahead on that anyway because we still only get to eat one meal for full price. Unless we convince ourselves we’re buying the meal for the bum in a charitable way and being rewarded with the free meal for ourselves.
Maybe that’s the answer. They also say the good feelings from charity lead to longevity.
Buy one for a bum, get oneself free—from an early grave.
Now that’s a coupon I can live with.
America, ya gotta love it.