#703 Apiary Sauce

I hadn’t been in a Kentucky Fried Chicken in a while until the other night. Are they still Kentucky Fried Chicken—or are they again?
For a while I know they were trying to rebrand themselves as KFC, which for me always sounded like they were playing with Kool and the Gang for some reason.
I went to this one that had been there for awhile. So long in fact it had three different eras of signs on its front. I could tell because the Colonel had three different hairstyles.
The power of advertising. Pretty cool when a dead guy can change his hairstyle.
So when I went in, I was amazed. First off, last time I was in a KFC they didn’t have corn. Which was a good idea because you didn’t get confused about kernels at the colonel’s.
When I went there last, chicken was served in those great square boxes. They’d fold in a napkin, place hot chicken pieces on it and then pack around the little paper cups of coleslaw and mashed potatoes and gravy.
Coleslaw and mashed potatoes and gravy were your only choice for sides. Now you have all kinds of confusing stuff to choose from. And they serve everything in those segmented plastic plates with segmented domes.
It used to seem like a picnic box. Now it seems like a TV dinner.
I ordered original recipe. Funny, I don’t remember those eleven secret herbs and spices containing so much sodium. My biscuit seemed about 50% smaller than the old days as well, but that’s a good thing. The thick breading on the chicken skin probably contained more than my daily allowance of carbohydrates.
But as I prepared to put the honey on my biscuit I noticed something odd. The honey packet said “Colonels Honey Sauce.”
Honey Sauce? What’s honey sauce?
Are bees now sou chefs?
According to the back of the packet, honey sauce is high fructose corn syrup, sugar, honey, corn syrup, natural flavor and caramel color. Have things gone so horribly bad that they now have to economize by stretching honey with sugar?
The bees have gone missing and the apocalypse is here.
It’s sad.
And it’s just not good finger-licking.
America, ya gotta love it.