#702 Aught Grams

They say that cynics are romantics at heart, and I guess that’s true. Because here I am, years into the development of a crusty cynical demeanor, and I still assume the best in people.
Or at least not the very worst.
A while back, I wrote an article on “Zero Grams of Trans Fat” and how it was one of those stupid Madison Avenue Americanisms that were essentially meaningless, like “Zero Percent Financing” and “Zero Payments Until 2009.”
They use zero as a way of adding a positive spin to a sentence. Instead of no payments they say zero payments.
But then the other day I was eating some tortilla chips. I looked at the bag and it said “0 Grams Trans Fat.” Then I read the ingredient panel on the back and it said the chips were made with partially hydrogenated vegetable oil.
Wait a minute, I thought; partially hydrogenated vegetable oil is trans fat.
I then looked at the serving size. It said 7 chips. As I was even then on my 28th chip, I was suddenly alarmed. What if they mean zero grams in a serving? And zero grams doesn’t mean no trans fat, it just means not enough trans fat so it’s actually one gram.
Off to consumeraffairs.com. Guess what? They conducted a study of various “0 grams” advertised foods and they all contained significant amounts of trans fat. But those amounts were less than half a gram per serving and so legally the company’s involved didn’t have to list it.
Because, and here’s the cynical twist, a full one gram was not present in the serving size. If it’s not one it must be zero. Therefore it was indeed zero grams per serving.
Never mind that no one in their right stomach could possible eat 7 chips and walk away.
Never mind that as of the time of this realization I had already consumed 41 chips. (Fortunately 0 full grams over my daily allowance of 2.)
I had once again been fooled by a less than forthright manufacturer as to the goodness of their goods.
All very legal of course.
Like, if it makes no medical claims, snake oil.
America, ya gotta love it.