#188 Hobgoblin

Consistency, they say, is the hobgoblin of tiny minds. Or something like that. I quote it different every time. Since I wouldn’t want to be accused of harboring hobgoblins—my section of town is a hobgoblin free zone—I fully intend to not tie all the little observations in today’s essay together into any cohesive framework. Hobgoblin that.

One question worthy of note: What the hell is a hobgoblin? Is it a half goblin, a little orc-ish perhaps? Is it a goblin that’s been hobbled in some way, by tying something to its feet? My dictionary defines hobgoblin as a grotesque goblin-like creature. Yeah. I got the goblin part, what’s with the hob? It also gives as a synonym for hobgoblin: bugbear. Like most dictionaries, synonyms are no help. I don’t know what a bugbear is either.
One bugbear of mine, is this conundrum of our culture: Why is it that restaurants make such a big deal out of offering home cooking. Who are they trying to impress? Cause if it’s my home cooking I’d just as soon not eat there. I go to a restaurant for restaurant cooking. And who are they trying to kid? If it was home cooking they couldn’t serve it. It would be against the law. If you serve any food for a price you need a food handlers permit, an approved catering setup or a commercial kitchen. All of which means: Not home.
Another thing they need to get the bugs out of? After-Thanksgiving crowd management techniques. I don’t know if you remember all the footage from the first day after Thanksgiving shopping frenzy. People being crushed, one lady pausing in the midst of being trampled to retrieve her wig, irate customers getting in fights at the electronics counter. Did you notice they had one common theme? They all happened at Walmart. Perhaps their ads shouldn’t have prominently featured the words “doorbuster.” People take things so literally these days. Now I’m not saying that Walmarts strategy of hyping and depicting sales as a huge stampede to good value is not working, but I think playing the lion king wildebeest scene on the sidewalk video monitors before they opened the doors was maybe a bad idea. Although the other day I replayed that video at home and guess what? Right before the lion king’s father goes under the hooves, he kind of adjusts his mane a little. Let’s face it, people went a little buggy. The reason for the big frenzy? Three words, laptops are hockable.
Finally, this bugs me. You know this ex-multiplex theater that’s turning into a church? I said they should have different faiths in every theatre. Well, one of my less sensitive friends informed me the other day that one church he knows does in fact accept all denominations—tens, twenties, fifties...
America, ya gotta love it.