#794 X-Oral Healthy

So the other day I was at my health club. On the counter was a display that said “Free.” I’m always attracted to free. I’m a child of depression era parents who understood the value of nickel’s worth of pinched pennies.
Plus, the object in question was pretty much pressed upon me by the counter attendant at the club. It seemed impolite to say no, even though it was encased in one of those blisterpacks I hate trying to get open.
The product pressed upon me was an automatic toothbrush. This thing is amazing. It’s called the Crest Spinbrush. It has two head brushes, an up-and-downer and a round-and-rounder. It promises to give your teeth a dentist clean feeling.
Raising the inevitable philosophical question: Can teeth feel?
The handle of the spin brush is ergonomically designed for toothbrushing comfort. With a nicely contoured grip to, I suppose, avoid the excruciating pain of carpal toothing syndrome.
Nothing more liable to invoke a repetitive stress injury than vigorous brushing.
The motor of the brush has two speeds—Gentle and “Max.” It’s very important to have two speeds on any electrical device. Like “Cool” and “Max” on a hair dryer. People feel cheated if they don’t have two speeds on a gadget. And one of them has to be “Max.”
Really good gadgets have three speeds. Gentle, “Max,” and “SuperMax.”
The whole thing is designed to stand up independently on the counter. So now you don’t have to have one of those ceramic toothbrush jars that never quite match your bathroom towels. Which is good, because this puppy’s too wide to fit in one of the holes.
And here’s the interesting thing. It’s powered by two AA batteries. So my question: Do we really need another device in our lives that requires two more AA batteries, and the environmental consequences of manufacturing and disposing of them?
And really, do we need another device that robs us of what little exercise we have in our lives? Has it got so bad that we can’t even use our own power to brush our teeth?
And they gave it away in a health club...
America, ya gotta love it.