1876 Pass the Twinkie

The Twinkie Crisis. First the Bakers Union is winning. Then it's driving Twinkie to bankruptcy. Then both sides are negotiating again. It's a union battle that maybe can't be won. Hey, it's not like the bakers are multi-millionaire professional sports players. What kind of a pipsqueak union defends ordinary workers...?
Then the word goes out. Twinkie is closing its plant in Seattle. All the tongues start waggin'. Didn't Washington just make marijuana legal? And now they're closing Twinkie? How crazy are they in the northwest?
Next Twinkie's parent company, Hostess, is closing all its plants nationwide. Twinkie and Ho-Hos hoarders come out of their troll basements and mob the bakery outlets like Black Friday shoppers at Walmarts. Come to think of it, they look suspiciously familiar...
The price of Twinkies soars on eBay. Desperate pseudo-cream filling addicts bid for the remaining spongecake ingots, knowing full well that when the Mayan apocalypse comes in a few days Twinkies will be the only food with a shelf life of the next millennia.
Such are the travails of the quintessential American snackfood. Artificial coloring. Artificial flavoring. Mock cream filling rendered from who knows what sources, probably some unholy congress of carrageenan and cow hoof gelatin.
But fear not America, even with its current troubles the Twinkie brand is strong. It and its chocolaty pals, Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs, will survive these perilous times. They still bring in a cubic boatload of money, even if Hostess can't profit from it. Some big company will buy the brands.
My money's on Frito-Lay scooping them up. And I'm guessing they'll reopen the plant in Seattle too. That's where they'll have to be in December of 2013 when the first legal potshop opens.
And also when they'll unveil the ultimate Munchie.
The Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Shell-wrapped Twinkie.
Dude.
America, ya gotta love it.