1800 Cafe' Morte'

Since I've written numerous essays in the last few years on the subject of burial practices and cremation, it's only fitting that for my 1800th essay I do so again.
I just can't seem to put the matter to rest.
Especially when folks in the rest-putting business continue to come up with different ways to do so. Like the South Carolina funeral home that's opening a Starbucks coffee store in its lobby. Yep, according to reports, the baristas will wear regular Starbucks uniforms as they dispense lattes to the bereaved. The owner, Chris Robinson, hopes his new Coffee Corner will help customers relax and "get their minds off of what's going on."
Well yeah...nothing like a fresh latte to make me forget about dear Aunt Lucille. And what better way to help put you in the right frame of mind to pay obscenely high prices for a casket than to pay obscenely high prices for a cup of coffee.
Except, of course, the whole cremation cremains cream combination confusion.
I've talked before about how the funeral home word for cremation ashes--cremains--sounds not unlike a coffee additive. This just brings it home. "Here's your drip, Sir. Did you want room for cremains with that?"
"I've a got a double necre-ado with extra cream here, who's next?" Sort of makes you want to avoid ordering a cup of Joe.
So what do you call the place? Cafe Die-em? Creme'-torium Emporium? Seattle's Last? Final Resting Grounds? Roast in Peace? I'm sure we haven't seen the last of this.
Some cultures see owls as symbols of death, so I suppose it could be worse. The funeral home owner could be hoping to take his customers' minds off their grief with the second most popular modern chain in his lobby. Hooters.
America, ya gotta love it.