#653 Vomit Roast

I need to talk about something I’m not even sure how to pronounce. Kopi Luwak.
It’s an Indonesian delicacy. “Kopi” stands for coffee, and “Luwak” is the local name for the Asian palm civet cat. It’s not really a cat, and not really a weasel either, but shares qualities of both.
What it also shares, apparently, is the ability to use its natural functions to render a really fine cup of coffee.
I originally heard about this phenomenon on the radio, but a brief Google query makes it apparent aficionados have long known of this bizarre coffee berry processing method. So much so that the coffee beans from an Asian civet cat sell for over $450 a pound.
More even than beans from monkeys. In Taiwan, coffee farmers harvest beans from Formosan rock monkeys.
The monkeys eat the coffee berries, but find the seeds give them indigestion, so they spit them up.
As in urp.
So harvesters pick through the puke to get the partially digested seeds, which they then lightly roast, and make into coffee beans worth a mere $56 a pound. The coffee is said to be a sweet, vanilla-scented brew.
Bottom line, we humans, apparently undaunted by things that cause monkeys indigestion, gather up the gooey seeds and make them into coffee.
So I wonder, who was the first person crazy enough to do this?
Let’s see. There’s some monkey puke. Hmm... Wonder if that would make a good latte?
Yeah I’ll have a monkey mocha please, with room for extra vomit.
But talk about bottom line, the civet cat thing is even worse. The civet cat berries are harvested from civet cat poop.
That’s right, upchuck ain’t good enough, these beans gotta travel all the way through. And because their trip was longer we’re going to charge even more.
Again, what individual first thought picking through cat poop for edible treats was a good idea?
Not the kind of parent I want on my kid’s Halloween route.
And that’s where I draw the line, bottom or otherwise.
No Java the Butt for me.
America, ya gotta love it