#649 Vapid

You gotta wonder why people say certain things. I sometimes think it’s just to fill empty space. Maybe because we’re afraid of silence. So we utter vapid meaningless phrases as if they meant something.
A favorite of the sports crowd when a team is winning is to say, “This team really showed up ready to play.” As in, the Seahawks showed up ready to play.
Well I would hope so.
At about a million a piece a year, I’m just praying that’s enough incentive for a player to show up ready to play. I mean, you know, they play like 20 games or so. Don’t want to show up any other way.
Sorry coach, I’m not ready to play today. Could you call up Monday Night Football and tell them I’m not in the mood. Feeling a little punky you know, my girlfriends broke up with me.
Or this one. Stores use it. Inventory reduction sale. Woohoo. That’s descriptive as hell. Every sale is an inventory reduction sale. Every sale of every item reduces your inventory of items, therefore every sale is an inventory reduction sale.
You might as well say you’re having a “being in business” day. Hey everyone, we’re having an open for business sale and we’re ready to play.
Or this one. I saw it on a book jacket the other day. You know, those little blurbs they put on the cover to entice you to buy and read.
They are always partial quotes lifted from reviewers you never heard of: “Great!” “Awesome!” “A page turner.”
Yep, a page turner.
And what book isn’t? It’s a book for gosh sake—you have to turn the pages. What would these lazy linguists call it if it was a book on tape—a real tape spinner? Or if it was on CD, would it be a real laser tracker?
Tell me something meaningful. Go ahead and say it’s filled with so much suspense you can’t put it down.
If it’s a movie tell me I’ll be on the edge of my seat.
Don’t tell me it’s a real frame advancer.
America, ya gotta love it