#638 Jillion Germs

So the other day I was in a buffet line. I spend more time than I’d like to in buffet lines.
And not the all-you-can-eat places either; I do it in the service of community and the ultimate god of all things powerful and successful, networking.
In any event, I took some harsh looks from a prissy lady when I plucked a cherry tomato directly from the salad bowl. I replied to her look by gently and forcefully plucking a bunch of grapes from the fruit bowl next to it.
Everyone always seems to ignore the grapes in favor of the melon and pineapple in buffet fruit bowls but hey, I feel they’re more than garnish and wine precursors, they should be appreciated as fruit in their own right.
The woman snuffed huffily after I had plucked the grapes and directed her withering glance at the tongs lying unused on the platter.
“Did you know,” I said, “that snuffers and snifflers who have diseases often sneeze into their hands and then use buffet tongs?” I raised my eyebrows mercilessly in what I hoped was a conversation-ending facial punctuation point.
It worked.
It was fun when we reached the end of the line and the coughing guy in front of her, who she was now suddenly aware of, grabbed the big tongs to lift out the barbecued chicken.
Think about it. Isn’t it a lot easier and a lot more hygienic to just grab a roll, than to grab a tong someone else has grabbed to grab a roll? We are dumb with politeness sometimes.
Why would we go to a place and use tongs to save us from catching diseases only to pass the tongs—and jillions of germs—from hand to dirty hand? In the meantime, shaking hands with I don’t know how many people as they come up and network through the line.
I’m surprised every businessperson in town isn’t chronically sick.
Then again, maybe all that germ passing makes them stronger than ever.
And I should be praising the buffet tong as the ultimate immune booster.
America, ya gotta love it