#473 Spirit Mail

Somehow I got on some weird mailing list. You know how you try to trace back why it is you start getting solicitations from certain junk mailers? I know the political ones are there because I contributed to a political party, what I don’t understand is why I also started receiving requests from the opposite party. And the mortgage-related ones starting increasing the level of my recycle bin like rising interesting rates right after I refied. Refied. Sounds like some sort of Mexican bean or the glassy expression stoners get in their eyes after smoking reefer. The new mailing list I appear to have got on seems to be a spiritual mailing list. First I got a letter from the Lakota Sioux reservation and it included a dream catcher. I wonder if they have to tune the strands in a dream catcher just right so it doesn’t catch nightmares too. Maybe that’s a dream harness. The one I just got the other day is from Saint Matthew’s Churches and they sent me not only information on God’s eternal grace and redemption, but a free prize. I had to read some of the literature to figure out that I was being given something and then I determined that the object in question was supposed to be a handkerchief. They made me read it. Real clever too, because they printed a rather detailed message on the outside of the envelope. Tricky these spiritual people, you get junkmailed without even opening the envelope. I finally found it. My prize. It was piece of paper printed with the pattern of a linen handkerchief. And according to the printed stitching on the printed edge, a printed hand-rolled linen handkerchief too. Not to worry that’s it’s so cheesy. Looks have nothing to do with it. It works summoning God’s miracles because they only loaned me the handkerchief. When I’m done receiving God’s eternal bounty, or healing my boils, I’m supposed to keep the grace chain letter alive by lending it to a friend to bless him or her too. Truth is, it kind of makes sense. About the only time I bless someone is after they sneeze, so what better way to do it than hand them a handkerchief. Although I’m not sure a paper cut on the nostril would be a blessing…
America, ya gotta love it