#469 Do Up

A not very tactful person asked me recently how I dealt with having failed so many relationships. I didn’t fail, I replied, I differently succeeded. Political correctness aside, you have to do that in life. Turn what from the outside looks like failure into a feeling of success. That’s part of my philosophy in life: Things get better, rather than things get worse. Waking up in the morning gets so much easier if your baseline attitude is “things are going to get better.” If your foundation everyday is “things are getting worse” then you might as well just check out now. And what is the reason for feeling things will get better? No reason at all. It’s just the capacity of the human brain for faith. A head trip. Maybe that’s why, as a friend of mine pointed out, America spends most of its life on its head. Literally and financially. It’s not unusual for a woman to spend 90 dollars on a haircut at least once of month. That’s not all of course. For special occasions they’ll go in and fork over a hundred bucks or more for an updo. May I just go on record for the jillionth time to my friends of the feminine persuasion. Here’s the deal, most guys hate female foreheads. And only a few females can carry it off. If your forehead is exposed in everyday life and it attracts lots of positive attention then by all means expose your forehead for a special event. But if you attracted your guy in the first place with a little coquettish toss of your bangs, or a flirty peek through a tousled forelock, then that’s the way you want to look if your goal at the next special occasion, say a prom or a public ball or yes, say it, a wedding, is to impress the man of your dreams. Because five miles of exposed forehead is going to make you the girl of his nightmare. Nothing throws a guy more than shelling out a hundred bucks for a tuxedo, 30 bucks for a corsage, showing up at the door expecting to see the girl he fell in love with, and being greeted by the bride of Frankenstein in a curly multi-toned updo. But like I say. We all spend a lot of money on our heads compared to the rest of our body. My friend put it rather succinctly. A person could have a really ugly mole on their thigh and ignore it completely. Put that same mole on the face and call the surgeons. I guess I kind of understand that. Other people aren’t always looking at your thigh. But it is interesting that human beings have pockets of hair other than their heads and those never seem to enjoy the benefits of either attention or hair products. Where’s the Bedhead for the armpit? The Nexus for the nether regions? Where are the mousses and the gels and the hair-repair formulas for the regions of procreation that are the gateways to the survival of our species? Nope, just plain soap. We have differently succeeded in that area. Let me revise my philosophy. Some things will get better. But some things never change.
America, ya gotta love it