#467 Duh!

So I’m up in Canada recently. Actually just Victoria B.C. Your view of Victoria as you come in on the ferry from Port Angeles is a wonderful thing—antique buildings soaring seven stories up to the skyline, beautiful winter flowers and cabbages lining the harbor, the mountains of Vancouver Island rising majestic in the background, and rushing into the Strait of Juan de Fuca to greet you like some forgotten British imperial emissary of world domination, wide swaths of floating raw sewage. As the fetid nuggets of the commonwealth bob out to lap the sides of the ferry, you know you’ve arrived on the shores of a conflicted nation. On the one hand, leading the way in attempts to minimize global warming and in setting aside large areas of wonderful natural resources, and on the other hand active participants in industrial clear-cutting, over-fishing, salmon-poaching, and raw sewage dumping. When I checked into my room, there was one of those newfangled cards tucked into a fold of the turned-back sheet/duvet combination. Good idea: Cover your duvet on both sides with clean white sheets and then do some fancy folding to hold the whole darn thing in place. That way you know you’re not sitting on some bed coverlet that has never ever been washed like in so many hotels. And they should wash them too. If only because women set their purses on them, and as one great hygiene survey pointed out, the bottoms of women’s purses contain more fecal matter than the aquifers of cities like Lacey. And never get chlorinated. They have the fecal matter because women take their purses into public toilet areas and set them on the floor while they’d tending to other business. In any event, tucked into the duvet is a card that says the hotel is on a green water conservation program and as a result will only change bed linens every three days. As I’ve said before, I hope I didn’t check in on the third day. The cool thing about the card was that you knew you were in Canada because it was printed in English and French rather than English and Spanish. The card also said I could help, if I wanted to reuse my towel just hang it on the shower curtain bar. Um no. That’s what I do in Motel 6, not the Empress. If only because the really thick towels at the Empress would take too long to dry. But here’s what really got me about dear Canada. I’m in a public restroom at a coffee shop. When I’m washing my hands afterwards, there’s a sign above the sink. It says, “Please be kind to other patrons and wipe the counter afterwards.” Excuse me. I’m paying for your expensive coffee and you want me to do your janitorial service too? What’s next, a little toilet brush next to the can? Should I swim out into the strait with a feces net too? Please be kind to other patrons of the Puget Sound. Catch a clue. Made me think they should get a new slogan like our Say Wa. It could be Can-a-DUH!
America, ya gotta love it