#273 Less Mess

So the question is, do the people walking around with the little blue doogie poo bags really intend to use them? I have to think not. I think they are just for show. Look at me, their bags declare, I’m pet poo responsible. Here’s why. Dogs don’t so much answer the call of nature as have it on permanent speed-dial. Ready to hit “send”right after the stimulus of a meal. I’ve owned three dogs in my lifetime. Not at once, over their individual lifespans, and I have always been able to determine when they are going to go. Poo, that is, not to that great open field in the sky. The excretory event has always occurred within a half hour of the time they eat. Now maybe I’ve been blessed with not having anal retentive dogs. Come to think of it, they didn’t fold their laundry very neatly, but I’m not alone. Dogs, living as they do with less stress, consequently make it easy for us to have less mess. In perfect rhythm, you feed em, wait 30 minutes, relieve em. A backyard symphony, or at least one of Beethoven’s movements. So who do these poo-bag holders think they’re kidding? Because two things: One, why is it whenever I’m out on a walk in a public park and enter an area where the line of sight is obscured in every direction, that I see numerous piles of poo? And two, why are these people walking their dogs after they’ve eaten anyhow? Like my nocturnal neighbors. Surely there’s a better to time to take Spot for a stroll than well after dark. Doing their banking I call it, cause they’re always making late night deposits. My homeowners association had the county install doggie bag dispensers in our neighborhood. Don’t you think dog walkers know damn well they’re gonna do some squatting as well? If they really were responsible pet owners, wouldn’t they bring their own baggie?
Doggie bags have other issues. I suppose doggie bag is not a good name since that’s what I save from the restaurant, not what I retrieve from the neighbors lawn. Not that I’ve ever seen that happen either. My favorite socially irresponsible pet owner travesty is when someone takes his dog out for a walk so he won’t dirty in his own yard but leads little Fifi or giant Rex into leaving a pernicious pile on my front lawn. Is that neighborliness or what? It is a good idea to make the bags blue and opaque. I can see why the clear ones never caught on. But what is the protocol for greeting someone when they are carrying a bag full of doodle from their poodle. Do you offer to shake? If they have to shift the sack to free up a hand do you want too? Do you acknowledge the bag in any way? That’s a socially responsible bag of, um, stuff there Fred. Nice retrieval. I like it when I see an owner who has tucked an empty poo bag under his dogs collar. But I think clipping a full one on your collie’s collar borders on the cruel.
America, ya gotta love it.