#198 Give-ting

The holidays are here, even the “Christmas only” advocates would have to grant that, and with them the challenge of what to get whom. Assuming that you actually give a gift or two this time of year the conundrum is always what have you given last year, what should you give them this year, how old is too old to relegate kids gifts to their own families, and what are actually the obligations of uncles and in-laws and other satellite relatives?
I’ve always been of the notion that immediate family takes precedence, but as I developed my own immediate family, then my former immediate family of parents and siblings was not as immediate, but still within a few moments. One of my brothers started to up the ante each year as he seemed to desire a war of affluence. For a while, I tried to keep up with his jonesing but then I got smart.
So I tried a few gift ideas you might find useful. My most favorite is food. Food of any sort—although mine is homemade fudge—is a great alternative. I fill out my fudge package with locally specialty-roasted coffee, jerky from a local butchery and smoked cheese from another local smokehouse. All these items are unobtainable anywhere else and they are good besides. Unique and tasty, how can you go wrong? You kept dollars away from the evil big-box stores and you got your family something un-exchangeable. And the biggest bonus of all, you can get them exactly the same thing next year because they won’t have any left. This one technique has made all my relatives happy and given me one more X on my Xmas list, right next to each of their names. And, truth be told, I think they appreciate me not trying to match their décor with some odd home item or add to their small and ultimately unused appliance clutter.
Another technique, should you have a more evil sense of holiday humor, is to take a box, fill it with packing peanuts, and then add some broken glass and nylon line. After Christmas, give that relative a call and ask how he or she liked the wind chimes you sent him or her. Chances are good you’ll get a “Oh they were so beautiful” response, as at that point it will finally dawn on them what you supposedly sent them. They will be for the most part tongue-tied; partly because of the revelation, but partly because they will be remembering and regretting all the nasty things they said about “crazy” you on Christmas morning when they opened the gift.
But my most favorite gift of all to send, especially to those relatives who never acknowledge any gifts you send, is a lovely box of thank-you cards. Again, a perfect gift because it’s something they can put to immediate use—and something they’ll need next year.
America, ya gotta love it.