#168 Ad Time

I was minding my own business the other night and someone brought an advertisement to me. No, I wasn’t watching TV. I’ve learned to duck those. Nothing like a remote control to zap them from my life. Although, I must admit, the advertisers are getting tricky by colluding with the cable companies to make all ad breaks run at just the same time. I guess they hope, if you don’t see their whole ad, at least you’ll surf through part of it.
No, I was just sitting there reading and waiting for a pizza to be delivered. The doorbell rang; I went to pay the delivery boy, and was surprised to see he was over forty. So I wondered: Are cheap teenagers getting tough to find? That new Wal-Mart hire them all so now old guys gotta hump pizza? Anyhow, the delivery codger gives me the pizza and I take it back inside. As I open it, I notice something’s taped to the box. The tape is one of those computer spit-out things. I expect it to have my name and address on it, but no, it’s a mini-sneaky-contract that says if my check is dishonored I authorize an electronic debit/draft to my account for face value and legal state fees, order number blah blah blah, and then the date, which, for some reason, is two weeks later than it actually is that moment. Hmm. Nice touch. Except I didn’t sign anything and I got the supposed contract right here attached to my pepperoni with extra cheese.
That’s when I have my second revelation for the evening. The tape is holding two other things and upon perusal I notice that those two other things are advertisements. And they’re not for the pizza company. In fact, they are for two unrelated companies altogether. One of them is actually for a lube company.
What a great idea! For both the pizza company and the advertisers. Provide a new revenue stream for the pizza company, with virtually no additional cost to labor or materials—the client supplies the ad and you’re taping your bogus contract onto the pizza box anyhow—and provide the opportunity for the advertiser to hand deliver an ad right to a customer. No mailing costs, no ads lost cause they’re jumbled in with a jillion other direct mail pieces, no telephone “do not call” list, and a potential customer ready and eager to be vulnerable to you’re message.
Pizza? How about an ad for coke, or beer, or antacid treatments. Or toothpaste. Or hey, how about a lube job? Who doesn’t think of grease when they think of pizza?
America ya gotta love it.