#171 The Land of Con-fusion

I’m always jumping to confusions. I saw a bunch of kids the other day. They were frenetically exchanging riddles. Like: There’s a guy at the fork of a road. One way’s a cannibal village filled with liars, one way’s a nice honest village. The guy is from one of them. You can only ask him one question to find out which way to go safely. What’s the question? Or: There’s a perfectly equal hill. When a peacock lays an egg, which way will it roll? You know, that sort of thing. These kids are into it. I mean intense. The most intense riddling session I’ve ever seen. Turns out the kids are ADHD. And guess what they’re taking? Ritalin.
Speaking of riddles. Saw this bumper sticker the other day. This guy was driving a little economy car. And he appeared to be normal size. I mention that because his bumper sticker said: “I don’t need a big truck cause I AM big.” What do you suppose he means by that?
As I’m driving by this mortgage place I glance at the sign. I couldn’t believe what I think I saw so I drive back and confirm the name. Milestone Mortgage. But my subconscious must have been jumping way ahead into the whole long term mortgage obligation thing cause when I first drove by out of the corner of my eye I read it Millstone Mortgage.

The other day I was reading this book. It was one of those books where the author used quotes at the beginning of each chapter from other artists, poets and philosophers. This one was from Thomas Hobbes—no relation to Calvin—and it said (more or less) that it is easier and more eloquent to accuse than defend. Point being, I guess that when you point the finger of accusation at someone it takes fewer words and they’re more convincing. The attack moves like a swift boat right past the reasoning centers and straight to belief. When you try to defend yourself it always takes longer, is more muddied and you sound like a weak liar. Quicker to stab than heal, as it were. Thomas, incidentally, was from the 17th century. Long before Fox News.
So I hear this story on the news about cannibinoids, those strange chemicals that you find in pot. Turns out this scientist did a study and proved that cannibinoids—at least in rats—don’t destroy brain cells after all. They actually helped grew new ones. Other scientists are at a loss to figure out how all the evidence in humans seems to indicate the reverse; poor judgment, memory loss, bad choices in hairstyles. At this point it looks like they’re about to isolate the culprit. Turns out all the damage is caused by Snickers....
America ya gotta love it.