#169 Trick or Bum

Halloween was interesting this year. Some of the kids forsook the normal notions of All Hallows Eve—the princesses and witches and goblins—and instead appeared to be dressed in more topical gear. These are the kids that dressed up much at all. Every year you kind of expect a certain amount of popular culture offerings, your Batmen and Spidermen and Cruellas Deville. But this year most of the costumes seemed rather last-minute and lackadaisical. It was the parents accompanying the kids who were really decked out. “Come on kid, get your begging done, we got a party to go to at nine.” Really. Halloween seems to have been taken over by adults and each year their costumes get more elaborate and more costly. And it’s not just here. Nationwide, Halloween spending is second only to Christmas. Unfortunately, its not little Billy and Susie that are reaping the benefits. It’s their parents. It’s as if the first generation raised to the refrain of “I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys-R-Us kid” took it seriously. And heck, even Billy and Susie’s candy size has shrunk—from “mini” to “snack” to the current “fun” size. Fun appears to be a relative term. Halloween candies have shrunk faster than a budget surplus.
In any event, the haphazard costumes of the youngsters and the elaborate excesses of the elders notwithstanding, there wasn’t a lot of creativity out there this year. Ya seen one bloody hacked-up goblin you seen ‘em all, if you know what I’m saying. But I did have a couple of kids come to the door who I thought were pretty clever. They were dressed as bums. Kind of your classic bum stereotype look, too; smudged-on three-day-growth of beard, red nose from too much drinking, battered hats, tattered clothes, expensive substantial shoes. I was pretty impressed. Who made your costumes? I asked. We did, they said. Obviously, they had spent more than one minute waiting at off ramps observing the real thing. What really capped off the outfits though was that when I opened the door to their bell ringing, instead of the chorus of kids voices I was accustomed to, they held up cardboard signs. One of them said: “Trick or Treat.” The other one said: “Will work for candy.”
I think I’ll tell my favorite freeway bum about it. Next year I could give him a mask with the face of little kid. And then he could hold up a similar sign at the off ramp. I’m thinking even a fun size piece of candy would be appreciated.
America ya gotta love it.